Working On The Madness!


Madness Perfected! (Click here for the poem)

I have been cleaning since 2 AM today. Recycling boxes all broken down, prepping things for kitchen organizing, it has all needed to be done for some time. Every time something leaves my place either in the trash, recycling or when given away I feel lighter and closer to the best life possible. The need to reclaim uncluttered real estate in my home sometimes feels like desperation. It all reminds me of that that old English Fairy tale: The Old Woman and Her Pig. One thing has to happen before another happens and then another has to happen before that! It’s hard to think when items are out of place everywhere—trouble is, nothing’s ever really found it’s perfect place here. When I moved in I wasn’t sure how long I would stay. For the past couple years I have been looking for homes and now that I have found my permanent home I need to work harder at manifesting it. Distractions, distractions everywhere! It all competes with everything, but mostly it competes with my writing. Writing is the key to my entire future of peace and serenity. I know I am not ADHD, but the challenges, obstacles—distractions abound! There’s always:
• Laundry
• Dusting
• Vacuuming
• Dishes
• Garbage
• Classwork
• Connecting with friends/family
• Research
• Sleep
• The dogs
• Other people’s issues
• Eating/not eating/nutrition balancing
• Lawn work
• Bills…
It’s Madness! Sometimes I feel like a criminal stealing any time to write anything or disappear into the stories I write. Maybe the assaults that happened on my job that led me back to college and reclusion were designed to gain me a little writing space. Even with the space there’s still so much mind clutter! I would like to just reset my brain sometimes to erase all the useless space-stealing “cookies” that inhabit my grey matter. Last night I ran across a poem I had written at the beginning of the year and it really does capture the process for some writers…like me! At the moment, the most pressing things on my mind are:

• My hunger
• Hormonal issues
• The pecan encrusted cheesecake with caramel that I should have baked for my old neighbors (not what lives next door now!)
• Creating Curried Leek Delicata Cream Soup
• Vacuuming the kitchen pantry so I can organize easier
• Sleeping
• Getting things ready for grocery delivery
• Meditating on my future

My stomach doesn’t feel so great, probably a hunger issue, but I’m tired and the grocery man will be her in a couple hours, which means I have to put things away (not made friends with that activity yet!) There’s crackers on table next to me along with some Bourbon, but that sounds like an intestinal explosion! If I go cut up the delicate squash and pop into the crockpot with some butter, it should be roasted well enough to add the leeks etc. Oh man the best laid plans!Here’s what I’m going to do: hunker down under this blankie (while a horror movies plays—they are like lullabies to me) and get up when the groceries get here. I’ll start the soup, prep the cheesecake and try to get it baked so that it’s cool enough to fridge by this evening. Post this blog. Maybe more later, we’ll see I’m working on my Madness after all!

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