Today I contacted my credit card company about a replacement card that arrived after an odd alert notice on my account online. I have contacted them maybe twice since I’d had it, because we really have nothing to discuss. I was asked in their automatic recording system of prompts if I needed to contact my “Relationship Manager!” I was sure this was some kind of sick joke. Being a budding psychologist, I was unable to control my maniacal laughter when a human being answered and I verified that this Visa Card purveyor (Debt Pusher) suggested through their system prompts was heard correctly; I was apparently now having a “Relationship” managed by my credit card company. Ridiculous is truly an understatement.

You remember the last time you were told by some bed-jockey that they “loved you” before exploding blissfully hoping they’d never see you again? Okay neither do I, but I have read about such empty yet functional trysts of pleasure seeking. Never would a sane person assume it implied a relationship unless they were desperate or broken, and we’re talking about a flesh and bones type creepy moment.

Exactly what kind of creepy takes place when your credit card company assumes (without your input) that you are in a “Relationship” that needs managing? Is that the same kind of relationship management that occurred during America’s dark days of slavery, when the plantation owner had his way with the slaves to either restock his workforce or just stoke his God-complex? I wonder if my vacuum cleaner will schedule a counseling session for us since I haven’t changed the belt lately or rinsed the hoses? People have BFF’s, FFF’s, and now BCCR’s (Best Credit Card Relationships); they can’t just have friends and family it must be Framilys! Who’s buying or should I say selling this BS? And why are we buying it?

I wrote a poem about it and here it goes:


My friends may become family
But my Family need not be FRiends
There’s less to these crazy connections
Than social networking contends

Gone are the days of customer service
Businesses have reFRamed who they are
Now they manage our relationship
Not their immaterial credit card

I don’t want to splice my FRiendships
Into a lifetime reign of terror
Family you try to escape from
There’s no option to truly sever

The only intimacy of my credit card
Is the preposterously rising rate
I have no desire to kiss, hug or love you
You’re the expanding debt, which I hate

So it’s no to the FRiend, family, FRamily
Stick to managing your insatiable greed
My loved ones are real and bespoken
Visa—relationships with you I don’t need!


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