April Arrives; I Foolishly Missed It!


It was almost 5PM before anyone even mentioned April Fools’ Day, but by then the significance was lost on me. Still the joke is definitely played on me by life itself. I am starting to feel the irrational fears of inadequacy regarding the “Big D” and my ability to “meet or Please” the needs of some department head that has a reputation both with students and administration alike that conflicts with my sensibilities. I sit on my proposal redoing it and wondering if I should submit, only to trash all over again. I have spent a week on the hypothesis changing it continually. I finally gave up and decided just before actually submitting to put what comes to mind. It’s not that I do not know what I’m asserting, but it needs to be as well put together as possible. This week I will submit and try not to get angry or expect the worst, but the thoughts…. many and unnerving continue. My dissertation Chair probably thinks I’m a quack. I hate the way this process shakes my confidence in all that I am. Hmm, I guess that’s why most people do not attain Ph. D’s. I cannot be an ABD candidate, so on I trudge-ingly go…ever reluctantly!

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