April Arrives; I Foolishly Missed It!


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It was almost 5PM before anyone even mentioned April Fools’ Day, but by then the significance was lost on me. Still the joke is definitely played on me by life itself. I am starting to feel the irrational fears of inadequacy regarding the “Big D” and my ability to “meet or Please” the needs of some department head that has a reputation both with students and administration alike that conflicts with my sensibilities. I sit on my proposal redoing it and wondering if I should submit, only to trash all over again. I have spent a week on the hypothesis changing it continually. I finally gave up and decided just before actually submitting to put what comes to mind. It’s not that I do not know what I’m asserting, but it needs to be as well put together as possible. This week I will submit and try not to get angry or expect the worst, but the thoughts…. many and unnerving continue. My dissertation Chair probably thinks I’m a quack. I hate the way this process shakes my confidence in all that I am. Hmm, I guess that’s why most people do not attain Ph. D’s. I cannot be an ABD candidate, so on I trudge-ingly go…ever reluctantly!

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