Am I thankful?? Well…yes I am. I am most thankful for no familial interactions for the first time in my life. The drama has cost me too much in the last year and right now I just need simple quiet. This is the best way for me to take care of myself. Today I see how the financial burden has shifted me to a point of where it will probably take me a year to crawl out of that debt.
I started out wanting to roast the turkey on the grill and do the vittles up right, but I just feel exhausted with “traditions” and “expectations.” I seriously thought of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner tomorrow, but I have to be in a PBJ mood to make that kosher. Finally it came to me…Meatloaf mixed up with stuffing (instead of crackers/bread crumbs) & French-fried onions, and then I’d make corn pudding, baked potato and some peas. I don’t want to use the ol’ brainpan too much. I just want to be vegetative all day tomorrow. So I’ll make meat loaf and pudding tonight, along with dip for potato chips in case I don’t have the energy to do more than eat chips and dip tomorrow. I’ve got beer, cider, Bourbon and a few other optional libations to consider depending on my dwindling energy.
Truth be known, I could handle merely sleeping the entire day away. I won’t say I am depressed, but when I fall asleep it’s like the “dead” around here. I hear nothing and wake up like Lazarus as if I was close too it. Of course I sleep much less than I tend to pay attention to. If I get an hour in I act as if I’ve had a full night’s sleep. I’ve just been a wee bit absent-minded about how little sleep I have gotten until I fall asleep for hours dead to the world. I have never been a heavy sleeper, the tiniest noise wakes me up usually, which means my body usually runs on low sleep anyways. Unfortunately the more stressful issues I have to deal with, or people, it leads to higher exhaustion levels.
I have to say that I am craving T-day deserts though. I have ingredients to make pumpkin, sweet potato, mincemeat pie and pound cake or cheesecake, but which to have on standby, while the feet are up and I’m nodding off to games etc.; I just don’t know. I really want to taste mincemeat, the kind that yes, has meat in it, because it was a tradition of both of my grandmothers. I even got the none such brand that you have to reconstitute like they did in the past. I can just taste that strange, but memory making vision of a slice with a huge dollop of whip cream on top. I might have to make that on turkey day, we’ll see if I have any energy to get-er-done today.
Well I pray for peace and healing everyone for all of us, even for my family and me. The fact I feel this way makes me most thankful for my being me.