So today is the home visit…first day me in 43 days. The OT & PT person will be taking me home to check out my place and me in it. I cannot help but tell you my thoughts about OT are less than stellar, pleasant…loving?? There are so many reasons they leave a bad taste in my mouth that I know I will have that on my list of things to spiritually learn to accept. I know they are helpful for many medical situations, but well, my experiences were completely awful starting with them reinjuring my foot so bad that I had to stay even longer in the hospital. Mind you my heart is encased in so many negative experiences here in HOSPRISON that I may never rectify the wishy washy way they would talk to me or come unprepared to my room. Their help was more watching me fight with things to get them done. I could do that at home on my own without someone standing there to just watch as if I were a bug on its back trying with all its might to get enough momentum to turn over while some sadistic human just watched ready to put the magnifying glass to it so the sun could finish it off. (Hey I watched kids do this when I was a child and it made me cry back then and I am not particularly keen on insects though I respect their purpose in the world – God is so brilliant!) Clearly OTs serve a purpose in, I suspect, a good way I just haven’t had a positive experience. I cannot say much against the humans I encountered I see the beauty in their essence, but I do believe they just were not as prepared as the profession professes they should be. Hey I also do not see the reason for big CEO’s of volunteer organizations receiving six figure incomes. If it’s too much for you to do for free, leave it to others who are willing to donate their time or share the position with several people so the money being donated can actually reach those needing the organization. Yes my utopian society would actually be more giving and helpful for everyone to stand, not just the 1% that call the shots for everyone thanks to financial powers most people in America do not have. I am not saying everyone should be at the same financial base, just wish society had more equity based on human rights not how much you have in the bank or what family you were born into.
Off topic…yeah well when I write it is such a freeing thing for me when I’m not being constantly interrupted I feel as if I can finally breathe, so excuse the rants and rambles. So Witches “OT”, Lions my dogs that I get to see for the first time in 43 days, who may have thought I was never coming back. I suspect they’ll still treat me like “Oh it’s you, are you back and how about a treat” —the business as usual attitude they have with me opposed to company. I also think they’ll be more interested in the strangers coming into the house that I haven’t seen and don’t know what condition it is in or what’s been left out. I know there was a Christmas tree on the table when I left on December 20th, but well we’ll see. It’s going to be bittersweet since I can’t take my little lions with me or stay until next week, sigh.
The wardrobe, door to my private world opened to strangers I would likely never invite home…hard to do, but necessary to get out of here. They should be here any minute and I’ve still got bathroom duties to avoid having them watch. Will finish up in a couple hours.
UPDATE: Home visit was a bust for so many reasons although no witches came (yea!!!) I don’t know if they forgot or were sick, whatever it was best with the PT and RT (Recreational Therapist), who helped figure out what was working and what was not. My place had all this junk everywhere and things piled up on counters in kitchen with dust and stuff. I’m not sure what or who was moving and putting things this way. A chair was missing and well it was crazy town!! It looked like my brother pulled everything out of every nook and cranny and cupboard and stacked it everywhere! I don’t know if he was doing his passive aggressive junk or trying to get everything to throw it away as he had threatened to do! There were things in the dog’s bed that should not have been there; it was weird. My dogs are so overweight it was horrific since they were double feeding them daily. My dog with the bad hips is ginormous and it’s hurting her hips. I’m so upset I want to cry thinking of her being that way. All of this is my fault for letting my health go and now it’s affected my dogs terribly not to mention my place. I don’t know what he were thinking. I am not being released on Thursday as first planned. Grab bars have to be put in due to the old narrow doorways and the hall leading to the laundry. Once I get home I’m still going to have to hire someone to just get rid of everything. Everything has to go it’s an absolute nightmare. Someone even left the mayonnaise out on the island in the kitchen…why it would even go over there, I assume the person who attempted to clean out the refrigerator (brother) did that. It’s just creepy to be away from home so long with other people in your house—it will never be the same as when you left it. I’m not angry just feel overwhelmed with what I’ll have to do when I get home and need to start cleaning up instead of just sitting back and catching my breath from this entire medical incarceration. I’m just exhausted and want to sleep, but another PT session is about to take place. Again I’ll be back.
And I am back again. Today no therapy, but I’ll be getting up to try to gain some endurance. I’ll try to sit up for breakfast. I so need a day away from all this, away from my life…too bad real vacations do not exist and drugging your life away doesn’t work for me nor does checking out mentally as so many people do. I know the best way to do this is to work through the issues to alleviate them and vacation your life, of which I am working to do with every second that passes. Well that’s enough of this book…