This sunset is indicative of the last days of my HOSPRISON term. It is beautiful and quite desirable. Tomorrow is the last full day of my sentence. Thursday I am leaving, but will be on probation about six months until the end of my Coumadin lock down. Instead of a home monitor anklet I’ll be on Coumadin, which will be monitored with home health care nurses and some new primary doc. Coumadin also means no cranberry juice, no grapefruit juice, and more devastatingly, no Bourbon or wine during the Coumadin reign. Now I ask you how is that any different than a house arrest anklet, comparatively. As long as at the end of six months I can be free of hospitals on a constant basis!
They want me to go live in their simulated apartment for a day, which I’m thinking I do not want to do. I’m feeling more like biding my time until release day. Last night one of the certified Nursing Assistance (CNAs) practically started crying because it would be the last time she’d see me. I started feeling tears in my eyes as she said take care “Pumpkin” one of my words for people. It was bittersweet. Everyone keeps telling me they are going to be so sad for me to go because everyone likes me. Hmm… I guess I was somewhat of a model prisoner. It’s hard to know how to deal with this: Having “feelings” for your captors. It’s sort of like Stockholm syndrome. The ones I connected with were incredible, otherwise not so much. I’m so tired I just need a day to do nothing! Alone!!
I’m so ready I’m finding it difficult to do anything. I just want to sleep for a while. Of course I’m hungry. The appetite started about three days ago and seems to be really strong in the afternoon and evening. I cannot really explain it. I was told that I lost 101 lbs. total since coming to the hospital, but I am pretty sure they must have weighed me wrong somewhere. I don’t see how anyone could have done that laying around in a bed, or even to lose that much period in 2 months—Crazy! I can tell you that I look at my face and that face isn’t changed. To be honest I can’t see how I could drop that much weight ever! I’ll check my scale at home. If it were true I’d be more out of touch than I could fathom. Truly I am not that out of touch with my body or myself even if I was living unconsciously and not doing exercise.
First things I’m going to do when I get home…sit, hang with my fur balls and do absolutely nothing!!! Do you hear me—NOTHING! Okay I may make a mocha breve with my espresso machine baby, how I’ll get it to the chair doesn’t matter, I’ll do it! Hey I’ve got covered cups…if they are clean or not is another matter after the person in my house occasionally assaulted my home. Putting your home right after other people do their worst with it is daunting, but necessary to feel at ease. It is clear that I am not one to live with others or be married! The countdown is just under 2 days now; I am ready for release.